Remember those old expressions our parents taught us about how to interact with others?

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all;”  

“Think before you speak;” and  

“Speech is silver, silence is golden.”   

I’ve tried to live by those expressions (although I often fall short), and believe silence is a virtue, not a vice. But there’s a lot of pressure today – from peers, influencers, social media, professors, politicians; heck from everyone and everywhere – to speak up and shout out. Restraint is often dismissed as cowardice.   

Civility and Tolerance 

To some, silence is now seen as a vice, not a virtue. There’s a new slogan: instead of “silence is golden,” “silence is violence.” Respectful listening is being replaced by harmful rhetoric. I wonder, how have we strayed so far from the tenets of civility and tolerance? What ever happened to the freedom to express oneself, or not?   

Yes, responsible people must speak up to report a threat, intervene to stop misconduct, or to right a wrong. What I’m talking about are the crucial interactions between human beings, be they online or in person, that either unite and strengthen or divide and weaken us. Leaders of character value silence. They exercise restraint. They listen to learn and understand the other person, not to undermine or attack them. They are genuinely curious and interested in what others think. They reach out their hand to meet another person where they are and engage in respectful conversation that promotes understanding and shared trust.   

Listen and Learn 

Unfortunately, remote workplaces pose a significant challenge for leaders who desire to listen and learn to better understand problems and concerns. There is no substitute for in-person discussions and interactions that enable people to give each other their full, undivided attention. By listening respectfully, and drawing upon their emotional intelligence, people notice and consider body language and sense the interpersonal dynamics that may drive perceptions and outcomes. Here are just a few tools leaders, and followers, can use to help promote trust and respect to create workplaces that value silence and restraint:  

• Hold listening sessions, being sure to separate supervisors from subordinates; often, people just want to be heard. 

• Supervisors should make themselves accessible by doing things like walking around the office, and offering an open-door policy. 

• Nothing can replace in-person meetings and gatherings; ensure the workplace has spaces such as break rooms and/or a cafeteria to encourage people to get together. 

• Promote understanding and forgiveness—this is a chance to lead by example! 

• Don’t engage in negative discussion threads, either in person or on social media; rather, be the one with a positive outlook. 

• Never condone violence, either implicitly by sharing or commenting on a post, or explicitly by posting something that supports an act of violence. 

• If in doubt, remember: silence is golden. If you can’t say, post, or share something good, don’t say, post, or share anything at all.

Look in the mirror: What can you do as a leader to encourage listening and learning to help people better understand and respect others in the workplace and beyond?  

Please join me again next time for more on Leading with Character.  

If you enjoyed this post, please visit my website where you can buy my book, Breaking Ice & Breaking Glass: Leading in Uncharted Waters, and sign up for my mailing list: https://sandrastosz.com/book/breaking-ice-and-breaking-glass/