Brr…it’s been a cold, dark winter here on Cape Cod and across much of our country. Even the South was buried by a blizzard last week! This can be a tough time of year, especially for those who feel alone. 

A Thief in the Night
For some people, January brings the dreaded post-holiday blues. Warm and inviting decorations are reluctantly (or perhaps with relief) taken down and put into storage. Celebrations and parties are no more. It’s good that we’re forced to reset and return to a pre-holiday status. That keeps us grounded and humbler. Yet it’s not easy to let go. Loneliness creeps up on some people like darkness following a gorgeous sunset. It can become a thief that steals the joy experienced during the bright times spent with family and friends during the holiday season. But we shouldn’t let that happen to ourselves or others. We can learn how to be alone but not lonely. 

Looking Inward
A while back I was walking and talking with one of my nephews. Nate had moved and started a new job in a place he’d never lived before. I asked him if he was lonely. He turned to me and said, “Aunt Sandy, I can be alone but not lonely.” Those are words I’ve always remembered and reflected on many times. Alone but not lonely. There’s power in that state of being. To me, it signifies a person confident in themself and comfortable with who they are. 

Not all of us are born that way. It can take a good measure of self-reflection and personal/spiritual growth to attain the state of being alone but not lonely. I’m an introvert, which means I need downtime and draw energy from being by myself or in an intimate setting with a few close friends or family. And I’m a spiritual person. I believe those qualities make it easier for me to find inner peace and to be content alone. But it’s still hard. We can’t change who we are, and no one should be ashamed of feeling lonely. But neither should one accept that condition as an immutable state, either.  

Avoiding Loneliness
Here are some hints that may help anyone, regardless of personality type, discover how to be alone but not lonely, and to help others do the same. 

• People are social beings; lean on your network of family and friends—your inner, middle, and outer circles all have value. 

• Seek lasting meaningfulness from accomplishments instead of temporary happiness from external stimulation; reflect on what you’ve done that’s brought you satisfaction and contentment. 

• Don’t rely on others to make you feel happy or fulfilled—that’s a trap! 

• Look within to find your spiritual self: pray, meditate, contemplate. 

• Focus on being content and grateful, don’t lament what you wish you could be or have. 

• Contemplate your positive qualities–consider feedback from others and search your soul; write down those positive qualities and take joy in having them. 

• Put those positive qualities to use—search for meaningful endeavors or activities including personal growth, community engagement, and much more. 

• Reach out to someone in your workplace and have a conversation; ask how they’re doing and be ready to listen. 

Look in the mirror: As a leader, what other methods could you use to help your team members thrive during times of isolation or being alone?